This is My life

Digi Dare #77

I am hosting this weeks dare for the DIGI DARES.  I have been really excited to do this one. Here's the dare...

We don’t always have photos to help us tell the important stories. In fact, I have often found that I don’t tell some of my most memorable stories because I don’t have any photos of the event/person. That shouldn’t stop us!

So, I challenge you to pick a story that you don’t have a photo for and tell it anyway. Perhaps your LO won’t have any photos on it or maybe you can use a stock photo. Regardless of how you tackle it, don’t let the lack of a photo stop you from preserving something special to you.

I think that this is so important.  How many of us have not scrapped a special/important memory because we didn't have any pictures or we didn't have the "perfect" photo.  I find myself always gravitating towards scrapping the great photos and letting all my so-so photos (that may tell the story better) just sit around.  Likewise, if I don't have a photo for the story/event I don't do anything with it.  Some of my most memorable things don't have photos to go with them...but I still want to record and remember.

Here is my LO...this one was one I have wanted to do for a LONG time. I have an email that I wrote my sister years ago that explains more of my heart at the time.  I will clip it to the LO and put them in my album together.

Credits: Stock photo by Amy Pearson at Scrapbook Graphics. SUDDENLY FRESH papers (blended) and elements by Jofia Devoe at the Digi Chick. Cardboard overlays by Linda GB at Scrapartist. Gralpha by Birgit at Catscrap. Frame by Nancy Comelab. Stitching by Lisa Whitney. Fonts are Mom’s Typewriter and CK Ali’s Handwriting.

Journaling: For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. There were times in my life that the desire to be married and to have children was the only thing that kept me alive. I wanted so much to pour all of myself into a child and to give him or her all the love that a little heart could hold.

Jason and I knew that we wanted to start a family fairly soon after we were married. A year seemed ideal to us — some time to just be us and then time to start becoming a family.

Five months after we were married we found out that we were pregnant. Surprised, but by no means disappointed. Just five days later I miscarried…and so began the long journey of waiting…waiting to have someone call me mom.

We waited a few months and then began trying to have a baby. We found out were were pregnant, but lost the baby eight weeks later. Six more months of trying led to pregnancy number three…and just one week later we lost that little one.

It was the most trying time of my life. The agony of losing my children and the pain of seeing what felt like everyone around me getting pregnant shook me to my utter core. I was faced with life’s toughest question — is God still God when bad things happen?

I didn’t understand why God was taking me through this trial. I didn’t understand why God would let me suffer so much. I didn’t understand why I had to WAIT.

It was a refining by fire. And through the flames He never left me (though I often felt like He had.) He was faithful and molded me into a stronger woman with an unshakable assurance in the sovereignty of God.

It has been eight years since that first miscarriage. I am about to become a mother to my fourth child. As I look back on the waiting, I know that before I could be the mom that God wanted me to be that I had to come to grips with the fact that my life is not my own. I am a child of God and I have to be willing to accept His plans for my life…the good and the bad.

The waiting is over, but the lessons have not been forgotten.

*********

In other news, be on the lookout tomorrow for my March Grab Bags.  Between computer issues and just not feeling "up to it," I wasn't sure I would get them done.  But they are and I am hoping to do a little scrapping with them this weekend!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

 

She Likes to Bring me Flowers...

Alaina loves to bring me flowers.  It all started when we lived in Malaysia and Jason and Alaina would pick up flowers from the market when they went for breakfast.  Flowers were really cheap so Jason let her get them whenever she wanted.

Flowers in the US are NOT cheap...and yet her love for bringing my flowers has not been thwarted!  And lately, knowing that I have been a little down and out, Jason has been letting her talk him into flowers more often. Sometimes they are "from him" and sometimes they are "from her."  Last week it was roses and yesterday it was gorgeous tulips.  I am a lucky lady!

************
Yesterday was  a good day -- I feel like I got quite a bit accomplished.  Of course, if I wasn't cursed with computer problems I would have gotten a lot MORE done, but hey, I can't complain.  I FINALLY finished up almost all of my thank you notes from my baby shower, worked on my grab bag, and finished up a mini album. I also got the house cleaned (though you wouldn't know it by looking at it now!), chatted online with a good friend from Malaysia, read lots of books to the kids, talked to my dad for a long time, and watched an episode of Law and Order with Jason. LOVE the days when I can think of more than one thing that I got done :)

Today is our family day so I am desperately trying to finish my "work" so that I can concentrate on our family.  So, this post is officially over.  Have a great Thursday!

Nutty Bars and hair that stays in my head...

So how is that for a title??  LOL!

So, as I sit here, STILL pregnant, with my due date six days away and no baby anywhere in sight, I thought I would think about the positive things about sitting here feeling large as a whale, in pain, and wondering if this baby will ever come out.  I know the newborn stage can be hard.  I really enjoy it, but there are some things that will change and so since I have nothing better to do, I should think about why it is nice to NOT have my baby right now. So here you go...

1. I still have no appetite.  Pregnancy basically rids me of the desire to eat and so when something DOES sound good I can eat it, no matter what it is.  I've only put on 15 pounds this pregnancy (I put on 20 with the first two and 30 with Levi).  So, little indulgences are accepted.  Currently, my guilty pleasure is Little Debbie Nutty Bars.  Mmmmm!  I went through a Twix phase, too, and had a few weeks of longing for Cheddar Cheese and Sour Cream potato chips.  See, once I have the baby my appetite will be back in full force and I can no longer enjoy sneaking in food that is really bad for me. So maybe it is good I am still pregnant.

2.  I still have my hair (which by the way, I FINALLY had it cut and colored yesterday).  When I had Alaina, I knew that many women lose some of their hair a few months after they have a baby.  Like clockwork, right around the three month mark I shed LOTS of hair.  With Caleb, the hair loss came a little earlier...maybe around two months. Then with Levi, I was shedding chunks of hair while I was STILL IN THE HOSPITAL! Seriously, I was brushing my hair the morning of my discharge and I could see a pile of it on the floor where I had been standing.  Gross!

3. I can go to bed any time after 8:30 pm.  Our dorm boys go to bed at 8:30 and our own kids go to bed at 7:30.  So, after 8:30 I can choose to go to sleep if I want.  After the baby comes, my last feeding will probably be at 10:00, so 10:30 will be the earliest time my head will hit the pillow. 

4. I don't have to carry around a huge bag everywhere I go.  The other kids are at the point where I don't ever carry around a diaper bag.  We might grab a diaper and a small pack of wipes and throw it in the car, but I know my kids habits and we can travel lightly.  After baby comes I get to lug around a bag full of diapers, wipes, extra clothes (for baby and me!), nursing supplies, burp cloths, snacks (for me!), a water bottle, blanket, pacifier, diaper rash cream, socks, sunscreen, etc. etc. 

5. Less laundry. Babies go through so many clothes it amazes me.  With five people in the family (not to mention the laundry for our dorm boys!) we do a lot of laundry.  When baby comes it will only get harder.  More clothes PLUS separate loads for baby stuff vs. non-baby stuff.

6. I don't have to worry about what I look like in clothes.  When you are pregnant, everyone just stares at your belly and they don't even notice other parts of your body. Everyone thinks you look cute. You don't even have to do your hair or makeup.  After baby, all the extra flab, skin, and other unsightly parts take center stage.  That is if people can get past the size of baby's feeding station ;)

7. I only have to buckle in three carseats when I want to go somewhere.  Four will be harder, especially give the fact that our mini van does not have duel sliders.

8. I don't have to download as many pictures.  I am sure once baby comes, my camera will rarely get a break.

9. I wake up with a dry shirt in the morning.  If history repeats itself, I won't be able to do that again for quite a few months.

10. I have accomplished the impossible --- I have gotten time to stand still.  Aren't most people wishing that time would move much more slowly instead of flying by?  Well, experience the last month of pregnancy and you will know how God feels when He says "a day is like a 1000 years."

Sooooo, see, being pregnant -- STILL -- isn't such a bad thing afterall!  I mean, who really needs a raging appetite, hair falling out, late bed times, a huge diaper bag, more laundry, self-consciousness, more carseats, more photos to download, wet shirts at night, or time flying by so fast that you blink and your baby is one?  WHO NEEDS IT?  I certainly don't. 

Maybe I'll just stay pregnant forever. 

Please hear ALL of sarcasm in my voice.  Over the last few years I have learned to keep my sarcasm in check because it can offend people who don't know me well.  This blog (and my husband) are the only places I can rid myself of the sarcasm I love so much ;)

Have a happy Wednesday!

A Big THANK YOU

Just wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to Becky and the STUDIO CREW at Scrapbook Graphics.  I was greeted with a bunch of packages for baby and I was so very touched.  I am truly blessed to be a part of Scrapbook Graphics!

I joined the site almost a year ago (I think my opening date was March 16 -- I'll have to check on that -- and I have NEVER, EVER regretted it.  The site is run with such professionalism, encouragement, and integrity.  The digital community isn't always above reproach -- store owners, scrappers, designers, and lurkers alike have made things very difficult at times.  But at SBG, I have never once questioned the integrity of the staff or crew. I have received nothing but amazing support and love.  I've had the opportunity to join other stores -- even stores that in the past would have been a "dream."  However, I can't imagine any other place that would support me as much in what I do.

So thanks, ladies.  For the gifts, for the love, for the support, for the encouragement, and for almost a year of friendship.

************

So yesterday was not the day I thought it would be.  After the boys went to school Jason decided to take out little ones to Disney for the day so I could get some work done and get some sleep.  Instead, I spent over two hours talking to a friend. JUST WHAT I NEEDED.  I can't remember the last time I talked to an adult female for more than ten minutes without being interrupted. What a blessing it was.

I did sneak in a short nap but all the things on my "to do" list are still there.  And that's okay.  Sometimes we just need to let go and let life happen. It was a good day.

*************

However, it DOES mean that today I need to kick things into high gear and be productive.  My house needs some work, my grab bag for March isn't done yet (well, not packaged), and that hair appointment I keep saying I am going to make has not happened yet.  Get to work, Janet!

Have a great Tuesday!

She wants to go back to Malaysia...

So Alaina came up to me yesterday and out of the blue declared, "I want to go back to Malaysia!"  I asked her why she wanted to go back, thinking I would hear reasons such as "Aunt Debbie is there," "Mimi is there," or even "noodles at the market."  But nope.  Her answer?

"The ants don't bite there!"

That's true..they don't bite in Malaysia.  They may take over every part of your home and invite themselves into any food you make in the kitchen, but no, they don't bite.

She did go on to add in more reasonable reasons for wanting to be back in Malaysia...

*Coffee Bean
*Kiddie Rides at the mall
*Cheap McDonald's ice cream cones (they are about $.25)
*Aunt Debbie and Uncle Scott (good friends of ours)

I helped her out, adding in some things I miss...

*Chinese pancakes
*Kapitans (our favorite Indian food)
*And a second vote for Aunt Debbie and Mimi

When Alaina reiterated the fact that she DID want to go back to Malaysia, I politely told her to talk to her dad about it.  After all, he is the one that would need a job.  Her reply? 

"But mom, it isn't up to dad!  It is up to GOD!"

 

I guess she is learning a few things :)

***************

So I guess the return of the biting ants in Florida means that "winter" is over.  As if.  We had probably less than ten days of cold (as in below 50) all "winter" long.  I never even went to storage to find our coats.  However, whether winter ever came or not doesn't negate the fact that spring is here...and so is the humidity and the biting ants.  The last three or four months have been wonderful, though, and I will think of them with longing when the temps start nearing 90 again.

And to those of you still buried under snow, don't worry...I don't take the weather here  granted.  I LOVE it and would seriously question my sanity moving anywhere that involved regular temps below freezing.

***********

So we had a good weekend.  Long, but good.  I will say I am am VERY glad that it is Monday.  Mondays mean family time is back, naps are back, and that my due date is getting closer :)

***********

On Friday I had a doctors appointment and then we headed to a nice park for a bit.  We had fun playing and taking some pictures.  I even let Jason take a few pictures of me pregnant...something I am not usually too eager to have done.  Here are a few of my favs.

 

My little Indian Princess.  She is very proud of the fact that she was born in India and on Friday insisted on wearing one of her Indian outfits and having her hair done like "little Indian girls."

Alaina is so into touching my belly and telling the baby to "COME OUT!"

The three (four) reasons there are days I just can't stop smiling :)

The crazy little kid that his wormed his way sooooo deep into my heart that I literally can become short of breath just thinking about him...

Enjoying getting wet in the broken water fountain

And a great one from Thursday night.  Levi has started to "roar."  He gets soooo into it! LOL!

************

So, happy Monday to all of you.  Hope your day is filled with laughter (I have no doubt mine will be!)

Scrapiness...

Thanks for the sweet comments and emails regarding my post yesterday.  It is good to step back and remember why we do what we do. And as if she could read my mind (or my blog!), Alaina asked to look through some of our albums yesterday.  She wanted me to READ to her...she wanted to hear the stories of the things she did or said.  She didn't care about the pages with a pretty picture and one word.  She didn't care if there were catchlights in the eyes or if there was a harsh shadow across the face. She didn't care if my shadows looked real or if I used a great new kit.  She just wanted to see the pictures of us living our lives and to hear the stories.  Sooo good to be reminded!

It's not that it is BAD to use new stuff, to strive for great photos, or to limit the journaling.  It is more of what makes up the bulk of my pages.  Are the stories there? Will it help us and others remember or learn? 

Since I was thinking about scrapping, I guess I was in the mood to scrap.  So, here are some pages for your Friday enjoyment.  Some of them I love, some I don't.  It's okay.

First is this weeks Digi Dare...Emily dared us to scraplift ourselves!  So, I lifted one of my older LO's using one of my templates.  The photo is an old scanned-in one. 

Credits: Papers and buttons from ON Designs Kit No. 8, cardboard background by Lauren Grier (Lisa Rosey Posey Cardboard Backgrounds), staples by SP, template by Janet Phillips from FEELING CENTERED, stamped alpha by Nancie Rowe Janitz. Font is Mom's Typewriter

Here is another one with a scanned in older photo.  Quality isn't great but how can I NOT scrap a photo of Alaina getting ready to come home from the hospital? 


Credits: SONGBIRD AVENUE February Kit. Stitching is by Shabby Princess. Template by me.

Make sure you pick up this great kit if you haven't already!  It is only available for one more week!  All proceeds go to Minute Man Arc for Human Services, Inc.

Credits: APRON STRINGS 4 by Leora Sanford at Little Dreamer Designs.  Template by me :)

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Credits: SPRING BREAK '08 kit by Leora Sanford at Little Dreamer Designs.  Template is from LOTS OF PHOTOS 7 by me.  It is a one page template that I doubled up :)  Love seeing all those pictures on one LO!

**************

Okay...happy weekend to you all!

Doing What I do...

...Totally scrapbook related so if you aren't one of my scrappy readers, you will probably be bored :)

Anyway, just thinking a lot about my scrapbooking, why I do it, how I do it.  There are thousands of scrapbookers all over the world and really, we all do it for different reasons. Those reasons overlap but I think each of us has a priority of reasons.  For some, the creative endeavor is of utmost importance.  Telling the actual stories in a way that future generations will know the who, what, when, where and why may not matter to them.  The art, the process, and the fun use of products is most important.  For others, the showcasing of great photos is most important.  There are many people who won't scrap a "bad" photo.  For others, the most important part is getting the photos on a page with a description, and moving on.  There are those whose goal in scrapping is just to make time for themselves, to do something they love, to enjoy DOING it and not worrying about the results.

The thing is, none of these reasons are WRONG.  I can't say, "Oh that is a bad scrapbook page because I have no idea what is going on" or "that is a bad photo, she never should have scrapped that!"  Each of us needs to now why WE want to scrapbook and even though there may be more than one reason, we need to make sure the most important reasons stay at the top of our list.  Ali Edwards has had a couple of great posts on the subject lately (here and here).  It has been good to reminded to think about what is most important to ME and to stick with that.

I also realize that my priorities change from time to time.  There are days that I scrap just because I NEED to...I need the creative outlet. That's okay.  However, that isn't the main reason I do it...in the great scheme of things.

I scrapbook because I love to REMEMBER.  I love to hear/read STORIES.  I love to listen to stories about who I was as a kid and to see how those themes of my personality run through the course of my life.  I wish I knew more of the stories.  I wish I could remember. I scrapbook because I want to record the stories of my life and of the lives of people I love because I want to remember.  I want to remember the thoughts and feeling of specific times and I want my kids to remember what they did and how I much I loved watching them do it.  I want all of us to see God's hand working in and through our lives.  I want to somehow capture on a page all the love I feel for my kids when I watch them.  I want them to know the silly things they did and said.  I want them to know how much their dad loved to play with them and how much their little personalities started to bloom from day one.  I want to remember.  I want them to remember.

And so I scrapbook.  It is MY way of remembering.  And so naturally, I want my pages to reflect the stories and not jut the perfect photos or the latest embellishments.  Those are great things and I love shopping for new supplies as much as anyone.  But in the end, I want to look through my albums (or even more importantly, I want my children to look through my albums) and to read/see the stories of our lives.

Knowing all this makes me realize there are definitely things missing in my albums.  I have not told some of the BIG stories.  Stories that if I were to die today may never be told.  Stories of how Jason and I met and fell in love, stories of my children's births, stories of what a normal day in our family looks like.  I need to remedy this.

Funny how all these thoughts seem to be coming at me from all side.  Posts like Ali's (mentioned above).  The opening of {we are} storytellers. Articles in magazines. My own reflections as I take walks at night after everyone is in bed.  All reminding me that no matter how pretty the paper is and how much I enjoy the process that most of all, I want to REMEMBER.  I need to forget about having the perfect photo and forget about how it will look sized at 600 pixels and just create pages that record what is important to me.

Anyway...just thoughts running through my head :)

**************

Anyone else see the lunar eclipse last night?  INCREDIBLE. We had such a good view...I got to see almost the whole process.  We have such an amazing God!

**************

Here are two pages for you...

SWEETNESS kit by Meredith Fenwick at Prima Hybrid.  Stitching by Shabby Princess. Stamped alpha by Nancie Rowe Janitz.  Swirls by Miriam Lima.  This page is a total life of THIS ONE by Ana at Little Dreamer Designs.

STARSTRUCK paper pack and Naked Stamp Sheets by Meredith Fenwick at Prima Hybrid.  Staples by Shabby Princess. Stamped alpha by Nancy Rowe Janitz.  Cardboard Overlay by Linda GB.

*****

Happy day to all of you!

Two Boys in Blue...

As a nice distraction from the endless waiting game of "when is baby going to come?" I had the opportunity to take a few pictures of a friend's baby and baby's cousin.  They are two and five months and oh-so-adorable!  Now, getting two very little babies to cooperate not only with the camera but also together is not an easy feat.  But, we got a few really cute ones and if I know moms, they will think their babies are adorable no matter how much my photography is lacking!  Here are some of my favs...

Can't wait to have my own little model to practice on :)

******************

Things here are pretty good...keep doing little things to get ready.  Jason installed the car seat, I started pulling out some things to pack my bag, talked to the kids a little more about what to expect. I realized that I REALLY need to make a hair appointment.  I don't know when the next time I will have a few hours for a cut and color and it has been WAY too long since it has been done. Normally I hate the idea of wasting half a day on my hair but now I am looking for anything to pass the time.

That does mean good things for my business, though.  I have a small pile of templates building up so I hope to get my grab bag for March finished up plus a few more products.  It will feel good to have all that taken care of.

Anyway, just rambling. Hope your Wednesday is a good one! I spent about two hours yesterday organizing scrap supplies...it is amazing how fast things can get messy even when they reside on a hard drive.  Found quite a few things I haven't scrapped with yet and I am getting the itch!

I've run out of words...

Seriously...I feel like there is nothing to say that has not already been said.  The days are all the same, the moods are the same, life just goes on...day by day. So I won't take up your time when I really have nothing of any interest to share.

Instead, maybe you can check out a few of the other blogs that I read.

CD had an inspiring post (If I could ever be accused of stalking someone, it would be CD...love her art, love her heart).

Tara Whitney needs to be stopped...I swear, every time I see a photo shoot with big families it makes me crave more children.  And right now, more kids and my mood just do not mesh!  I reminded Jason again last night that if he wants his "quiver full" of children (believed to be five, from Psalm 127) he needs to carry the next one!  LOL!

Jessica Claire is just so fabulous...my dream is to have a shoot done by her! Scroll down past the three pictures of her for her latest post.

Kimberly Geswein's blog is great...daily posts about being their life in China.  Having lived in Asia I totally "get it".  Makes me wish I had recorded more about our life in Asia.

There are others that I read on a regular basis, but these will get you started.

See, you don't need me and my useless words :)

Have a great Tuesday!

p.s.  I did change up my DEAL OF THE DAY items at SBG.

Oh sleep...where did you go?

Not much to say this morning.  My brain is in quite a fog.  Another night of very little sleep.  Hoping to remedy that REALLY SOON.  As in I am counting the minutes until I can take a nap.

The weekend was really good, though.  Lots of home-cooked meals, Law and Order on Netflix,  and fun family time. I also got work done, bills paid, house cleaned, etc. Feels good to be somewhat caught up.

No scrapping done, but that's okay.  I don't like to force it.

Hope your weekend was great (or will continue to be great if you are off today like many people are).

Hopefully I will be a little more coherent tomorrow :)