Honestly, I think anything would seem good after last week. I don’t know…it was just one of those weeks…one of those times I question everything I do and everything I am. I get this way sometimes. It’s hard, but it is growth stimulating. There was even one night that I decided I was going to quit scrapping. That lasted all of about twelve hours.
I also had some much more horrible ideas...more drastic ideas. I hate when I feel that way…that I am just not good enough and never will be so why try? I feel much better now, don’t worry, I just wish I knew what sets me off so I can just stay far from it! I know some of it, things I can’t explain here (you never quite know who reads this thing!) But suffice it to say that at one point on Wednesday I think it was I was contemplating calling Jason to take me into the ER…my throat was constricting and I was scared of passing out with three little kiddos left to fend for themselves. Luckily, there was no need. I went and sat down in the bathroom (on the top of a pile of laundry that was no doubt adding to my stress!) and just calmed myself down enough to just keep going.
Anyway, I don’t know why I am saying all of this. I am really fine now, and need to learn to just stay away from things that make me feel so bad about myself. I am soooo far from perfect and I KNOW I have a lot of growing to do but really, I need to take it in small steps. If I let others tell me everything that is wrong with myself and feel that I need to change instantly (regardless of whether or not I agree with them) I get overwhelmed and very self-critical. Not healthy at all. I want to change, I want to grow, but I need to do it in a loving and supportive environment.
So, a long weekend with the family was just what I needed! Jason has a four day weekend so we have been together for the past few days. It was been wonderful…just seems like there has been time to do everything! Time to be together as a family, time to go out, time to stay in, time to scrap, time to work, time to clean, and time to sleep. LOVE it! We’ve just done super fun things…a trip to Lincoln and the Children’s Museum, yummy Indian food, lots of scrapping, bike rides, walks to church, going to the fitness center, loving our kids for who they are. Total bliss.
You would think I was crazy if I told you the number of photos I took this weekend! Let’s just say I am so glad I do not use film anymore…I would be in some serious trouble! I just love to see what the camera captures…just a moment in time, just one moment saved forever. I love seeing all the fun expressions the kids have and the funny things they do. Photography is an AMAZING art form...the ability to preserve a moment, a glance, a smile, a tear. Love it.
And then naturally out of that flows scrapbooking. There are endless discussions about why people scrap…some do it to preserve memories, many people do it because they feel like they “should” do it, some people do it for the art, some for the fellowship. I could list a bunch of reasons I do it but really, I scrap because I can’t NOT scrap. Remember? I tried to quit :) I just NEED to do it...for me. I used to be an avid journaler…I have years worth of memories recorded. And although I wish I still did more of that (this blog is helping a bit) I am now journaling through my art, through my photos. I am recording the sights and feelings of the moments of our lives. So wonderful. It is an amazing hobby and outlet for me and I have met some of the most wonderful people through it.
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One of the great things I did this weekend was to organize my scrapping supplies. My stuff was just total chaos reigning on my hard drives (yes, that is plural!) I mean I had some order to it…most stuff was put away in folders my designers. But really, it was just getting to the point that because there was so much of it and I didn’t know what was in there that I just used the same stuff over and over again and/or I just stuck to one kit. I don’t mind scrapping with one kit, sometimes it is just the perfect and easy way to do a layout. But it really doesn’t give me the chance to “play.” I really am forced to use the designers form of expression. They interpret colors or a theme and when I use just that kit I feel boxed in. Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a lot of my pages that are 100% from a kit, but sometimes it just feels a little too easy and not enough fun. So, I knew that I had to organize my stuff so I could put it to good use! I tried doing this one about 10 months ago but it was useless. I didn’t really get anywhere because I was trying to organize EVERYTHING I had. But, there is no way I can organized over 50 gigs worth of stuff (and yes, that 50 gigs is AFTER my EHD crash last summer!) So, what I did was go through EVERY folder and pull out (well, copy) the elements that I could really see myself using again. I then made a big elements folder and separated everything out (paint, alphas, stitching, etc). So now, when I know I want a tag for a place on a LO but I don’t want to use the one or two I ALWAYS use because I know where they are, I just open my tag folder and WOW…so many options, things I would never have thought of . That one disadvantage of digi over paper scrapping…I can’t SEE everything I have (though, as true in almost all of life, the biggest advantages are often the biggest disadvantages…most of the time I love the fact that I can’t see the mess of stuff I have! LOL!)
I still need to go through my papers…that won’t be too hard. I won’t pull out patterned papers…just solids that I will use over and over. So, after I did all this I decided I needed to scrap (remember those bazillion photos I took this weekend?) It was so fun to start with a blank canvas, no kit I “had” to use, and to just start seeing a page come alive. I felt so free and happy. The creativity was all mine…not conformed to fit into what one designer was thinking when she created a kit. I guess sometimes “kit pages” feel like cheating to me…so easy. I love what I can do with them since there are soooo many talented designers out there but I guess after this past week I just needed to do something that was all me.
And this was the result…
Peek a boo papers by Tracy Ann Robinson, stitching by Ronna Penner, paint by Michelle Coleman, pop alpha by Holly McCaig, alpha beads by Kimberly Giarrusso, flowers by Meredith Fenwick, file tab by Amber Clegg, circle stitching by Lisa Carter, fonts are Century GOthic and Mom's typewriter.

I can't believe how OLD Levi is...where did my baby go??
Kraft and denim paper by Gina Cabrera, cardboard by Tracy Ann, circle stithcing by Dani Mogstad, stitched tab by Ann Dejong, "11" alpha by Hether Ann, tagboard photo frames by Birgit, staples by Meredith Fenwick, tab alpha by Jan Crowley, font is mom's typewriter.
Peek-a-boo paper by Tracy Ann (altered with the blue paper by Shabby Princess), stitched border by Michelle Coleman, paint by Michelle Coleman, priceless tag and stitched heart by Dani Mogstad, chipboard alphas by Gina Cabrera, alpha beads by Kimberly Giarrusso, note paper by Christy Lyle, font is SP Wonderful Wendy.
Papers by Gina Cabrera, paint by Michelle Coleman, stitched cirlce by Lisa Carter, paper tears by Steph Crush, alpha by Ronna Farrer, doodled frame (altered) and ribbons by Michelle Coleman, staple by Meredith Fenwick, journal paper (arrow) by Catrine, tagboard alpha by Birgit, note paper by Christy Lyle, font is misproject.
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Looks like I was in a kraft paper/cardboard kind-of mood this weekend. That wasn't planned! I did a few other pages, too, but they are for other projects so I can't show them yet :)
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Well, I am off. Alaina has gym and swim class while I lift weights and the boys go with Jason to an appointment. Then, who knows? Maybe a picnic, maybe a bike ride, maybe time to scrap. We’ll see. I hope you have a fabulous day!
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