This is My life: HAPPY BRITHDAY!

To my sweet and wonderful ALAINA MARIE! She is four today and currently snuggled tight in bed with her daddy sleeping soundly.

***NOW HOLD ON TIGHT, BECAUSE THE IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE!***

Before I get started, let me first wish a BIG happy birthday to some other wonderful four year olds! SHABBY MISS JENN'S litte Joshie turns four today and KIM'S beautiful little Olivia turns four today. I hope you two and your wonderful families have the most magical day today! The time goes fast...love it, enjoy it!

Okay, now go grab another cup of coffee and settle in for a small trip down memory lane. Or, realize that you probably aren't all that interested in my long winded story of Alaina's entrance into the world and you can scroll down to the bottom where I tell you that there are no new LO's to share today and that my plan is still to have some fun new stuff up in the shoppe on Friday :)

Here goes...

Four years. For four years now I have been a mother. Mama. Mom. I really cannot believe that the time has gone by so quickly. And yet, I cannot really imagine life without my little blond spitfire. My life has changed completely, immeasurable, miraculously. I love all three of my kids equally (but for oh such different reasons!) but Alaina did one thing that only she could do -- she made me mama. So there is a special place in my heart for this gal. I love her more deeply than words could ever hope to express. I won’t even try to explain it. But it is there…it is real…it is deep. And it makes me ache.

So, rather than get all mushy, I will just recount that wonderful day.

We were living in India at the time and had been for the previous two and a half years. We loved it there…Jason was the PE teacher and athletic director for the school and I did all the administration for the sports department. In addition, that year, we were the dorm parents for the 11th grade girls. We had nineteen 11th grade girls living with us. It was a blast!

We had tried for two years to have a baby. We lost three children before we ever got the chance to meet them. But from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew this one was for keeps. I also knew I was having a girl. It was a special time. We took a lot of precautions, though. I flew back to the States (we already had the trip planned) and I was put on synthetic progesterone. I was as sick as could be, but I was so thrilled to be having a baby that it didn’t matter. Sure, puking 5 or 6 times a day and having to carry a plastic bag around everywhere you went wasn’t much fun, but hey, you get over it. And after about 16 weeks, I felt much better and had a very pleasant pregnancy.

We got back to India when I was fifteen weeks. We had already decided that I would have the baby in India, even though many people advised against it and many other women went back to the West to deliver. We just knew it was right for us. There were four of us pregnant at the school that year and three of us decided to stay. I started seeing the doctor that all of the expat ladies went to see. She was okay, and I knew that she could handle the delivery, but something with us just didn’t click. So, we looked into other options. In the end, I decided to have the baby in Bangalore, a city about 6 hours from where we lived. We found a great hospital with a great doctor (who believed in epidurals!) I was due on January 25th and so it would fall right at the tail end of our long 7 week Christmas break. So, a few days after Christmas we headed to Bangalore to wait. We stayed with a wonderful single missionary there and enjoyed an incredibly relaxing month being just the two of us.

My due date came and went and still no baby. I was sooo anxious to get this done with. How much more could I think about what it would feel like to see my baby for the first time or what it would be like to hold him/her in my arms? We didn’t officially know whether we were having a boy or a girl. I was pretty sure in my heart that it was a girl (and I brought about 95% girl clothes back to India with us) but we didn’t know for sure. In India it is illegal for doctors to tell women what they are having. Many families still abort baby girls. There is a very strong push in India to just have on child and so most families want the one child to be a boy (so he can grow up and support them and also so they do not have to pay for the daughter’s wedding and dowry ). So anyway, we didn’t know for sure who would be greeting us when the day finally came.

I was scheduled for an induction on the evening of the 30th. The night before, we went out for one last dinner as a childless couple. We had yummy steaks (not easy to find in India!) and we talked about how different our life would be in about 24 hours. When we were done we started walking home until we could find a rickshaw . After a while, we realized we were enjoying walking so we decided to walk the whole way home. Three miles of walking in India is not the easier feat -- few sidewalks, lots of trash, lots of cows, broken streets, no lights, etc. I wanted so desperately to go into labor naturally that I think I was secretly hoping that the treacherous walk would force this little one out!

Either she decided on her own or the walking gave her no choice because at four o’clock in the morning I woke up with a contraction and knew right then that it was time. I knew I would have plenty of time so I didn’t wake Jason. I took a shower, did my hair and makeup, and took my time. At around 6 or so I woke him up and told him I had been having contractions for a few hours. A few hours later we called my doctor and let him know. He said that unless things changed rapidly, we could wait it out and come in at 3 o’clock, the time of my induction appointment.

We spent the morning walking, watching T.V. and just waiting. Like good first-time parents we wrote down every contraction that I had….the time, the duration, everything. Not sure what good it did -- my contractions were five minutes apart from the very beginning and didn’t change throughout the course of the day!

We arrived at the hospital at 3 -- 11 hours after the contractions started. They were getting painful and I was glad to be in the vicinity of someone with some medical expertise. After we checked in the front desk, they told me that they wanted to hook my up to a fetal monitor to find out if I was really in labor. The nurse emphatically said, “It could just be false labor.” HELLO! After 11 hours of some fairly painful contracting, I would think I would know whether I was in labor or not. After about 20 minutes nurse helpful reported that yes, indeed, I was in labor. “Your contractions are really strong!” Yes, I knew that, thank you very much.

The downside? Although my contractions were really strong they were not doing anything. I was still at 2cm which is where I was two day before at my doctor’s appointment. Now if I knew then what I know now, I would say that is normal for me. I do not think my body is capable of dilating on its own. But I was new to this whole labor thing so I didn’t really think much of it.

After a few more hours and no change, they decided to give me pitocin. Again, being a newbie at this, I had no idea that what they did next is NOT the way it is supposed to be done. They injected the pitocin into my IV ALL AT ONCE. No gradual increase over HOURS like they do here in the jolly ‘ol US of A. Nope. The only consolation was a little Demurral (sp?) added in there. My doctor, who by this time had revealed that he really didn’t believe in epidurals (what?????), assured me that the demurral would take all the pain away and make me sleep “like a baby.” I guess he must have had the screaming-all-night-long type of babies because the term sleeping like a baby did not describe my situation at all. I was in so much pain. I did nod off between contractions but that was it. No pain relief whatsoever.

They finally brought me into the labor and delivery room. I laid there, in oh-so-much pain, while the idiot nurses tried to talk to me DURING contractions. Jason, my normally pretty passive and obliging husband, finally yelled at them. He told them very sternly that if they needed to talk with me, they could wait until the contraction was over. He was so sweet…I would finish a contraction and I would open my eyes and there he would be holding a glass of water for me (nope, no rules against water in India…I did puke it up later but who cares?)

Then the moment came. The moment when I knew what the phrase “need to push” means. It does not mean it is something you would like to do but it can wait if no one is ready yet. It is a COMPULSION. You cannot stop yourself. I knew this baby was coming. And fast. I told the nurse, barely able to speak, that it was time. “No,” she said, “you were only 7 cm a few minutes ago. You’ll have to wait.” Sorry lady, I’m not waiting. A minute or two goes by. I tell her again that it is time and she says to wait. Another minute or so and I tell Jason to tell her that I was pushing no matter what anyone said. Reluctantly, she comes to check me again. She says in her most nonchalant voice, “Oh, I guess you are ready to push. You are at ten.” Yes lady. I told you that already. I KNOW that a baby is coming NOW.

Then the unspeakable happens. Nurse helpful says to me, okay, now can you walk over there to the delivery room? WHAT? You want me to WALK? You have got to be kidding me. I told her as much and she said, “Oh, well, I guess we could get you a wheelchair.” Um yea, that might be a good idea!

So we get to the delivery room (which strangely has no doctor in it) and everyone starts getting ready. They tell me I can push. I suppose they think this will be hours. So I push twice. The doctor finally arrives and tells me HOW to push. The next contraction come and I do just as he told me. Then I vaguely remember some fast mumbling about the baby coming NOW and how she is posterior (which would explain the severe back labor I had). I don’t remember much after this but I think I pushed about three or four more times and we were done. Less than ten minutes in the delivery room. The two things that surprised me the most: 1) the pain stopped immediately after she was born and 2) they didn’t make the big announcement I had been waiting nine months for. They started cleaning her up and doing stuff and finally I shouted, “What is it?” Only then did they bother to tell me I had just given birth to a little girl. My dream come true.

It was love from the very beginning. There was no gradual warming up to this little person. She was the most amazing sight I had ever seen. So perfect in every way.

The first day or two were bliss. Her little personality started to emerge immediately -- so aware, trying to look around, so intent. It was as if she didn’t want to miss one moment of the life that was ahead of her.

Four years have passes since that amazing day. I have now done the whole labor and delivery thing three times…with three different doctors…at three different hospitals…in three different countries. Each experience different and special in its own way.

Although our lives have changed dramatically over the last four years, our little girl hasn’t. She is still the most observant, in-tune little girl. She looks at everything in complete awe and wonder. She absorbs life and lives it to its fullest. She is most happy when she is looking at and experiencing something new and exciting. She loves life. She loves her family. She is the most amazing little girl I could hope for.

I have spent the last year or so begging her not to grow anymore. I have tried everything. I have threatened putting a book on her head. I have told her why it is important that she stay my little girl. And yet, she continues to grow older. I guess I have to come to terms with it. My baby girl is gone. There is no baby in her. She does have a solution to the problem though -- she has started praying “very, very hard!” that mommy would have another baby girl. Well, we’ll se :)

And so, to my little Alaina: I love you more than you will ever know. Words cannot ever express the love in my heart. I love you babe. You're my best girl ;)

This is me at 39 weeks...please forgive the low quality of these pictures...they are pre-digital camera and apparently I am NOT good at scanning.

This is my first look at tmy little girl. Love the Jason got this shot!

At 10 hours old....sooooo sweet!

This is the HIDEOUS, MOST REPULSIVE outfit they out on my little girl. I plan on using this as blackmail when she is older :) And don't worry, I changed her out of it immediately after getting back to my room. Espeically since the "diaper" they put on her was this THIN (as in see through) triangle of pink fabric!

A sweet picture of Alaina and her daddy. She was just a day old here.

THis is the president of the hosptial and the guest services representative. They brought us a cake and a silver spoon and gave us a party to celebrate the first white baby being born in the hospital.

The happy little family right before leaving the hospital

And one year later...

And at almost four:

*****

So, thanks for indulging me. It is good to remember beginnings!

No new LO's today but I am busy working on some fun stuff for the PASSING THE TORCH celebration at the Digi Shoppe this weekend. But right now, I have sticy rice cooking on the stove for breakfast and one sweet little birthday girl who needs to get ready for school. Have a GREAT day!

Comments

HAPPPY BIRTHDAY ALAINA!!!!! OMG Shabby Mommy Twin! What a birth story! I cannot even believe you had her in India! What an exciting adventure! Happy Birthday to Kim's Olivia too! Muah! Hope Alaina has a suuuper fantastic birthday!!!!

Posted by: Shabby Miss Jenn | January 30, 2007 at 11:53 PM