...good, but crazy. I have absolutely no idea where the time goes. I have all these hours in a day and all these days in a week and yet I feel like I get NOTHING done! How can this be? And I promise you, that time is NOT spent sleeping (like some of it should be!) How can some people be so stinkin' productive and I feel like the sloth of the world? The thing is, it's not like I am sitting around doing nothing (oh wouldn't that be HEAVENLY?) And yet, for all my hard work, precious little seems to happen. But, I have to remind myself, and I should remind myself DAILY, that most of what I "do" won't have visible results for years (or decades to come.) How can I hope to see the "result" of sitting with Cabe when he is crying for no apparent reason? How can I expect to see a check mark on my to-do list after making cards with Alaina? How can I expect to feel a sense of "accomplishment" after having what Alaina calls "family hugs"? How do I know the impact me taking time to talk with a student when she is upset will have? Who am I to say that going the extra mile and making a special breakfast for my students instead of doing the "easy thing" isn't worth it? Why do I want immediate tangible rewards (or at least a checked-off to-do list?) I have to remember that the little things matter. And well, so what if I didn't even have a chance to shower today (and at times wasn't even able to take a bathroom break)? Perhaps I made a difference in the life of a kid. Maybe my own. Maybe one of my dorm kids.
ANYWAY..sorry for that long introspective moment. The tiredness is so deep that I don't always know what I am saying...
Okay...a few tidbits about the kiddos. First of all, Caleb. Oh my. This boy. I really don't know what to think. He is changing so much and so fast and I feel like I don't understand what is going on with him or what he needs. Alaina changed much more gradually and we would have time to figure out what the changes meant and how we needed to respond to things. But with Caleb it is all happening at once and I feel like I don't know what to do. He is so sweet and so fun and so cuddly and I love him to PIECES! But, I can't say I "get" him/ For instance, he has this new thing that we simply call "heap mode." It goes like this...he wants something, we have no idea what it is, he can't tell us, so he lies down on the floor in a heap (thus the name) and cries. Not a tantrum...no kicking or screaming. He just cries. He cries as it his heart is broken in a million pieces. And that makes MY heart break because I have NO IDEA what he wants or needs. At those time, even his Elly does not good -- he just throws it down. The ONLY thing that works MOST of the time is for me to sit with him on the couch and watch one of his Baby Einstein videos. But I have to sit in a certain way and he has to be touching me with both his hands and I have to stay the entire half hour show. If I get up early, he cries. If I wait until it's over, he gets up and is fine. "Oh that's nice," you say. "He wants his mommy." Well, it IS nice but um, hello, do you have any idea how hard it is to have to stop EVERYTHING you are doing for 1/2 and hour. Something burning in the oven? Better not get up. Have to go to the bathroom? Just hold it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this cuddle time with him especially since Alaina's idea of sitting still means sitting in the same place for about 3.2 seconds. However, as much as I love it and I love the fact that I can comfort him, taking half an hour to settle him down can be challenging at times. Fortunately, this only happens about once a day. "Heap mode" is more often. "Heap-mode-and-I-have-to-have-mommy-and-a-video" only happens about once a day. Poor little guy. I love him so much. Good thing I bough some new magazines (something I NEVER buy) last week in KL so I have something to look at during my one millionth viewing of Baby Bach.
Another new (and very WONDERFUL) thing about Caleb is that he seems to understand what Mommy and Daddy like. For example, the other day the three of us were on the bed while Alaina was at school. He would go to Jason, jump up and down, dive onto the bed, and just be a silly and crazy little boy. But then he would come to me and lean in, give me a kiss, and then give me what we call "pat hugs." Soooooo sweet. This morning I was really busy when he got up so when I finally had the chance to really say good morning, I picked him up and he just kept giving me kisses and hugs. And every time I said, "Awe, thank you!" he would plant another one on me. THE. SWEETEST. THING. EVER. Even if they are big, wet, "open-mouth" kisses. They are still filled with so much love and wonderfulness (don't you love my made up words?)
Okay, on to the princess, Oh the stories I could tell. Alaina is just the sweetest, funniest, spunkiest, most precious little girl I could ever hope for. She constantly amazes us with what she says and does, with how thoughtful she is, and how absolutely hysterical she is. I am so lucky. So blessed.
Okay, it's late. And I need to sleep. I REALLY need to sleep. The other night one of our dorm kids alarms went off at FOUR IN THE MORNING and I couldn't go back to sleep. And this morning I had to get up really early to make fresh fried rice for breakfast and then I had a gazillion and one other things to cook for various things. So, I firmly announced to Jason that I was NOT getting up in the morning and that HE could take care of breakfast and getting Alaina for school. Then I felt bad and added, "unless and I am being rude and inconsiderate and then I will get up." So, sweet hubby is letting me sleep but I think I am defeating the purpose of that thoughtful gesture by still be away at 11:36 p.m. Then again, he is still playing spider on the other computer. We both always claim we are waiting for the other to finish.
A few new LO's. Maybe I shouldn't always save these for last. But then how in the world would I get anyone to read all my other mindless mutterings if I didn't save the best for last?
Two more FOCUS ON ME pages of my dorm kids...
And finally one that I did today in about 20 minutes (between activities). Simple, but I love it.
This is Alaina from about a year ago. I love this picture. And I LOVE this kit. Is is FLORAL SKY by Mindy Teresawa and Christy Lyle @ Sweet Shoppe Designs.
Night Night.
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